The Sentinel

Offended? Good For You

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

FIRE, the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, has ten years of success to celebrate before 2009 is over. During the past decade, the organization has seen 155 public victories at 118 different colleges, which has affected over 25 million students and resulted in 77 changes in universities' policies.

The September March on Washington DC

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

It's 9:00 am. I am standing near the corner of 14th and Pennsylvania Avenue at the Freedom Plaza in Washington DC and it doesn't take me long to realize that this march is going to be big, people are pouring in from all corners of the park. An hour later and Freedom Plaza is packed so tightly that I cannot raise my arms without knocking someone's hat off.

DRINK OF THE MONTH

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

THE IRISH COFFEE
Kegs and Eggs Just Found a Dessert

Feed the game day jitters with a refreshing buzz of whisky, coffee, and cream. You will feel energized and look way more sophisticated than the Jager-bomb douche bag down the hall.

What you need:
1 Shot of Irish Whisky (I prefer Jameson)
2 tsps of Brown Sugar
Quality Coffee (i.

It's Called "Alternative" Energy Because it Sucks

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Dear America,

Alternative by definition implies we have multiple choices. Like your choice of going home on holiday weekends to have your mom do your laundry. If you are like me, home is a distance from campus, so my choice factors in how I am going to get there.

Notable Notions

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Drinking, smoking, and swearing are the cornerstones of my greatest pastimes. Unfortunately, my happiness is consistently being compromised by do-gooders representing the public-at-large. I am offended by their imposition of ideals, "health and progressive advancement" on us all.

Sex Offenders: An Unknown Plight

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

My best friend is a sex offender. Unlike most Dateline stars, he doesn't have a greasy comb over, perpetual five o'clock shadow, or brown plastic glasses. My friend doesn't come across as your typical rapist or pedophile because he's only 17 years old. In fact, certainly contrary to his claims, he may still be a virgin.

Thumbs and Words of Wisdom

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Thumbs:

Thumbs Up- Construction that comes to an end!
Thompson Memorial Library renovation? Done, and SWEET. Ohio Union? Soon to be done, equally sweet. Campus road projects/new garages? Done. 315 reopening? On time- did not see that one coming. North C High St.

Chopper's Monthly Horoscopes

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Aries - Your boring sex life will finally be cured when your girlfriend "accidentally" trips, falls, and knocks out all of her teeth.

Taurus - Nobody cares about your allergy to peanuts; quit being such a puss.

Gemini - You will tell your uptight girlfriend to "loosen up".

Disgruntled Shoppers Unhappy With Obama Upset with Return Policy

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Americans around the country are increasingly growing upset at the performance of the newest president they picked out during last year's Buy-One-Get-A-Vice-President-FREE sales event.

After carefully reading consumer reports, meticulous online research and comparing Obama's specifications to those of his competitors, citizens around the country agreed that Obama was younger than McCain and also had "cooler commercials.

Sasha and Malia Explain ObamaCare

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

The Sentinel recently sat down with the First Daughters to discuss their views on their father's signature cause, health care.

We join Sasha, 8, and Malia, 11, at a tea party, already in progress, taking place in the China Room in the White House's Executive Residence.

"Big Whips, with Big Clips, Big Everything Round Here, Big Dicks"

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

I passed by Phat Wraps today and while questioning the sobriety of the owners in choosing that name, I began to contemplate. Wraps. Surely this meant that they made delicious wrapped delicacies that were, in essence, perhaps pretty hot but definitely tempting.

THE SENTINEL SUNDAY MORNING ROUNDTABLE

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Bruce: Welcome and good morning this is the "Sentinel Sunday Morning Roundtable." I am joined here today by syndicated columnist and extremely handsome blogger J.T. Friedman. I am also joined by MSNBC super-pundit and stout progressive Keith Olbermann.

Good morning gentleman, let's get started right away with the first question.