The Sentinel

Hello, freshmen. Congratulations on all the new friends you made the first day walking around and introducing yourself. I'm sure you and all your new friends signed a drug and alcohol abstinence pledge, joined the College Virgins, created several study groups, and stayed in your first night playing "get to know my new dorm friends Jenga".

Between freshman move-in and the campus overview tour, you must be so sick of hearing O-H-I-O that you're ready to throw yourself out of an eleven story window. Unfortunately, this is why they have screens. As you will soon begin to realize, there are many other things to learn about Ohio State that orientation seemingly forgot to mention.

Welcome, Class of 2013- we've been expecting you. As you embark on a 4-6 year journey through Ohio's premier research university, we at The Sentinel want to give you some insights into your new alma mater, THE Ohio State University. You won't find these tips on that cute Orientation video you watched when you came to campus, and the extra-super-awesomely-motivated student tour guide probably left these out of his speech that convinced you and your parents that THE Ohio State University was TBDUITU (The Best Damn University In The Universe).

For the last several years, The Sentinel has been accused of being chauvinistic, sexist, handsome, perpetual antagonists of feminism, as well as "woman-hating jackasses". Guilty as charged. But in the interest of full disclosure we must admit that we only do it because we don't know how to talk to women.

Unlike a puppy, you can't just stop feeding a movie if it starts to stink. For this reason I take to the field to find out which movies truly deserve a Sentinel reader's hard earned drug money. Swing Vote - Bud Johnson, an unemployed drunken deadbeat, is too busy being awesome in order to vote in the presidential election and so his scheming young daughter does it for him.

I like friends. They're great; they're cool; whatever. But I'm in need of something more. I want more badass-ness, more mental issues, and more perversion. Anymore, these characteristics are hard to find in reality, but 90s TV, being the godsend that it is, houses enough hardcore, issue-ridden perverts for me to achieve my fix.