The Sentinel

Issue date: 9/24/08 Section: Humor

Hello, freshmen. Congratulations on all the new friends you made the first day walking around and introducing yourself. I'm sure you and all your new friends signed a drug and alcohol abstinence pledge, joined the College Virgins, created several study groups, and stayed in your first night playing "get to know my new dorm friends Jenga".

Well, probably not, but it's likely that's what your parents told you your first day would be like; you would meet bunches of people who didn't want to drink, smoke, skip class, play video games, or get laid. All of your friends would be there strictly to learn.

If this all sounds familiar, you're probably wondering "why did my parents try to make college sound lame?" Because your parents don't want you to come back over Christmas break overweight, addicted to crack and alcohol, and passing around the clap every time you "sleep" with someone. Sure, it's because they are concerned for you, when really it's because they don't want you to be the "what the hell happened to that kid?" guy at your little brother's basketball game.

Unfortunately for your parents and their lame attempts at propaganda, you'll figure out pretty quickly that college is awesome. But, some of you probably have wildly unrealistic expectations because of ridiculously awesome movies like Animal House or Van Wilder. The truth is, there is a lot of misinformation out there, which you will discover for yourselves this year. But, fortunately for you, The Sentinel staff decided to pool our 50+ years of college experience together and create a college fact sheet for the Ohio State freshman. Our simple fact sheet will allow you to call bullshit on your parent's brainwashing and it will keep you from looking like an asshole when you tell your friends, "Yeah, I'm going to bang all four of them tonight!".

FACT: There are going to be lots of parties
This is one aspect of college that movies always seem to get right. There is going to be drinking, lots and lots of drinking, and mostly at ridiculously crowded house parties. You go to school with 50,000 other people now, there is always someone throwing a party for something. And based on the sheer population, there's a good chance you know someone who can get you in. But as a freshman it might be a little harder getting into parties at the beginning of the year. However, there are a couple tricks that ensure you can drink someone else's alcohol for free.

-Go to fraternity rush parties. They will feed you drinks all night long if you show the slightest bit of interest in joining. They may also paddle you relentlessly once you're passed out drunk, but free beer, right?

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